Ineptly His
"Inept" can be defined as "having or showing no skill; clumsy". Not ever a word that I would pick to describe myself. But, nearly 2 weeks ago I was standing on a table to put up a display, stepped down onto a chair, the chair cracked and I fell face first onto the floor, landing on and fracturing my right wrist.
Immediately, the KISC community gathered around me and did everything from watching my students to bringing me ice to praying for me to holding my hand and helping me walk, to driving me to the school doctor's house and then to the hospital and paving the way for me to quickly get an x-ray and then a CT scan to sending me lots of messages to see how I was. It was a remarkable demonstration of community that is so real here and that loves so well.
I have fractured my radius, it's a 3.8mm break at its widest point and it means that I will need to be in a cast for 5-6 weeks in total (3-4 weeks more from now).
Praise God:
That I did not need surgery
That it was only my wrist and nothing more
For the kind and efficient medical team at the hospital
For the KISC community that I am so grateful to be a part of
I am grateful! But life is also really hard right now. I am no longer in pain physically but everything is hard just having my left hand. Things that I have done without even thinking about now require a lot of time and patience like:
- Doing up buttons
- Putting contact lenses in
- Putting on deodorant
- Writing
- Opening bottles or jars
- Using a fork
- Opening a book
- Typing
and the list goes on...
And there are some things that I literally can't do by myself anymore which I am reliant on others to help me with, like:
- Tying up my hair
- Tying my shoe laces
- Spreading butter on toast
- Peeling fruit
- Using scissors
- Cutting my nails
These don't sound particularly dramatic but it's wearing feeling so inept and so useless all the time! I am struggling to find much joy in this season to be honest. Pretty much everything seems to be making me cry..! But I am coming to the realisation that the truth is that my normal independence is just an illusion anyway. I am fully dependent on God and on others. It's just easy to forget that! So maybe my physical brokenness is a good reminder to me (and to all of you who are helping me so much all the time!) that we are made for community.
It's hard putting so much more effort into everything (e.g. writing on the board all day with my left hand) and the result of all my effort being so poor when I normally strive for excellence. But this then raises a deeper question of where does my value lie? If I can no longer journal or play the keyboard to spend time with Jesus, but just sit and be, that's ok. Maybe that's better, even! If I can no longer serve the people around me because I can't even do things for myself, let alone for others, that's ok too. Because despite being inept, I am His. And you are too.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5
Comments